Halfway to Harper's Ferry

So here we are...184.3 miles in 9 weeks time (that's averaging 20 miles per week). That number is supposed to be higher but I have been letting life drive this training cycle. It really started a few weeks back when I had a personal set back in life. My spirit was just crushed and I felt the strong pull to just wallow. I knew the day I skipped my first run, that it was a slippery slope. Once you have missed one, it's really easy to skip another one. But wearing comfy clothes and eating comfort food on a cold day in February was just what my heart needed. (Quick Side Note: My cryptic description about my sadness isn't meant to solicit attention, by the way. It's just not worth mentioning as I have moved past it and it's not the star of this show!) So I picked back up with the training schedule following that "sorry for myself" weekend. But I kept being presented with chances to choose life events, schedule conflicts, or sleep over my training runs. And while I prevailed sometimes...there have been plenty where persistence did not win. I have told myself that it's okay that I haven't stayed true to my plans like I did in the fall because I don't really have a time goal.But if I am being honest with myself, skipping training sessions may be supplying me with an excuse when I under-perform in the race. That truth was hard to face. Even harder when I asked myself why I needed an excuse. And then the giant epiphany clobbered me. I am scared. Scared of trying my hardest and failing. There. I said it. I worked so hard last summer/fall. And it was really tough. And while I met my pace goals for every workout, I still went into race day nervous and unsure. Coming in to this cycle, I haven't been as gym or nutrition conscious. So I am up several pounds and down in self-confidence. I have half the training cycle left so I can make some improvements but I feel like I need to cut myself some slack. My plan has always been to run this first half as a tune up and train aggressively for the fall. So that is what I shall do. I may not complete this cycle perfectly but I can still make a more consistent effort and be proud come race day. :)